Week 2: Forgot my pencils

Welcome back no one, it's nice not to see you.

Last week I focused on work and family, making money and giving time.

I bartended for a friend of a friend's wedding reception and nearly made my rent in one night, felt good.

The job search is changing with no momentum, but I'll keep pushing through. Maybe it's time to start looking for a weekday serving position to fill my time, twenty hours a week in a dark bar I don't like is emotionally draining, but not enough money.

Why do I feel so unprepared for all my endeavors? It's like no matter how much planning or thought I put into a goal that when I get there, it's like I forgot my pencils.

This next year is going to be difficult, I'm going to have to learn how to hustle for the first time in my life. The first time I've wanted to do something with my life, why is the work so fucking hard.

Basically I was raised in a pocket of privilege; with singing lessons, piano lessons, and in a quiet suburb, with no reason to have financial anxiety.

I've never had to hustle before.

I know the movie scene, when Christina Aguilera learns all her burlesque routines and becomes that kick-ass main character in five screen minutes.

But realistically that takes five life months. Fuck.

I know life isn't a feature film starring Cher and Stanley Tucci, but that's my only frame of reference for working hard towards your goals.

My parents knew how to hustle, and because of that they were able to raise me to where I don't know how to. They were able to give me a better life than they had, but I need to get humbled. Fast.

Humble and hustle. Those are my buzz words for this year.

I need to be humble enough to hustle my way to my dreams. And try to remember my pencils.

xxoo Ten