Week 11: twenty pound “carry-on”

I nearly missed my train this morning.

Pulled up to the station, three minutes before it’s departure, and ran my little ass as best I could. Gripping my twenty pound “carry-on”.

Still I maintain,

rolling that joint was worth it.

This week, my movement is pointed South.

Florida, to visit my Taita.

My sister and I would visit every year when we were kids, and it’s been a few years since my last.

I had a good friend help me navigate my relationship with my Taita this year,

Phelan.

They helped me reach out to her after our first argument.

You know that feeling, where you’re waiting for someone to call you, and they're waiting for you to call them, too?

Phelan helped me pick up the phone.

And now here I am,

in a good place with all my family members.

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Last Thanksgiving was a mess at my house.

My sister thought she had COVID at the time, and so she sat in our living room TV screen.

My Mom was having a panic attack, and my Dad didn’t know how to help.

Long story short, I told everyone to go to therapy.

Love therapy, love Susan. (Shout-out if you’re reading this, girl.)

After the reckoning, I started on a warpath to air every grievance with my family.

The only result was a consensus on my unpopularity.

And once I realized I wasn’t ready to hear what anyone had to say in response, that warpath began to fade.

I realized it was my own work to do,

to forgive the people in my life.

I learned I have my own toxic narratives,

which I project onto people.

I found that setting boundaries, as well as showing up, aren’t mutually exclusive.

And so, I anticipate warm weather and good conversation.

---

This week, I saved my $135 and had the best Halloween of my life.

I took the whole weekend off work, and one of my good friends was in town from Buffalo.

We bar hopped on Friday night, ate breakfast together Saturday morning and that night I went to a party.

Had a hard time getting out of bed this morning, mostly because I knew that this was the last time I’d see Q for a week.

He’s the best person to lay around in bed with,

he makes me laugh and knows how to comfort me.

So I hit snooze a few times too many.

I nearly missed my train this morning,

pulled up to the station, three minutes before it’s departure.

xxoo Ten